The concept of success is fickle. Instantly, monetary accumulation comes to mind. However, the definition of success is truly in the eye of the beholder. Most dictionaries will lead you to believe that it’s simply the result of a set aim or goal, and most of them aren’t too far off course. I like to imagine success being the relative accuracy between reality and an ideal or goal. However close you are to who you want to be is exactly how successful you are. When you conceptualize it this way, success becomes very clear and very scary. Immediately, it loses its appeal. Why?

When you view success as the fruits of labor, you’re looking through rose-colored lenses. This is a fallacy for two main reasons. The first being that on average, the time, effort and resources put into something meaningful will always tip the scales on what pops out the other side. This is not to discourage chasing a goal, it’s simply an existential fact. That’s why the old adage about “if it sounds too good to be true…” is so reliable. The second reason can be quickly proven by asking anyone you deem very successful why they do what they do. The answer will undoubtedly not be to reap the benefits of their labor. Those who chase success will fail. Highly successful individuals are motivated to provide, to create, to grow, to experience, to compete. The success is supplemental. In the Old Testament, God offered King Solomon anything he wanted. Solomon asked for wisdom. God gave that to him and much more. King Solomon is still believed to have been the most wealthy human that ever lived. So, while success should never be a person’s sole purpose, how is this discernment supposed to serve anyone?

Let’s revisit and reframe the question from earlier (that I still haven’t answered): When you define success correctly, and now when you understand that the result of success should never be the aim, why does it feel far less attractive? The driving factor of success is responsibility. I don’t have to explain why that word makes you shudder. It’s expectation, it’s pressure, it’s stress, it’s accountability, it’s discipline, it’s respect, it’s work, it’s health, it’s details, it’s long days, it’s late nights, it negates excuses, it doesn’t point fingers. All of that from the person in the mirror. If you want to be successful in your life, you must retrieve a desire for something other than a trophy, and you must be brutally honest yet overwhelmingly nurturing to yourself.